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In case you didn’t know- May is National Foster Care Month! As heartbreaking as it is, there are over 436,000 children in the foster care system. And while you may hear some horror stories, there are many incredible families who pour their entire heart and soul into these children. Families who open their homes and arms to be a bright spot in these kid’s lives.

Ashley and Alex Ranaldi are the perfect example of a loving and caring foster family! We had the privilege of photographing their beautiful family in Puerto Rico, and Ashley was kind enough to talk to me about her family’s story. Read on to learn about their foster journey, and how their family of two grew into a family of five!

Tell me about your family! How did you and your husband meet?

“So Alex and I met in high school and are high school sweethearts! He was my homecoming and prom date and we’ve stayed together since the very beginning. He’s from here, and I moved here from Puerto Rico when I was super young. That’s why this family session was so special for us, because we got to visit where my mom and I are from!”

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Okay, now tell me about those beautiful babies of yours!

“So we have Logan who is 5, and then the twins Luca and Lyla are 7 months. Logan actually was the one who named Luca! He’s in a phase now where he watches the same movie over and over again, and when we first took in the twins, that was the Disney movie Luca. So then we chose Lyla to keep the L trend strong!”

How did Logan adjust to having new foster, soon to be adoptive siblings?

“Honestly, we’ve had so many placements since adopting Logan. He has welcomed so many kids into our lives, especially newborns and babies, during his entire adoption process. The twins are definitely here to stay, so he’s fully bonded and attached to them as his little brother and sister. He had always viewed the other kids who had been placed with us as new friends, which is how we always introduced our fosters to him. He has always been so excited for every single placement and he loves every kid that comes into our care, even though he doesn’t really get heartbroken when they leave. But now that he’s 5 and a bit older, he’s more emotionally attached and involved with the twins.”

What made you decide to be foster parents?

“My husband and I have known since the very beginning that this was something that we would love to do. I was told at a very young age that I would not be able to have kids unless it was through IUI (intrauterine insemination) or IVF (invitro fertilization). Because I had cancer and went through chemotherapy, it diminished a huge portion of my egg count. I also have PCOS and endometriosis, and was having surgery several times a year to help with that. We ended up doing 5 rounds of IUI, 3 rounds of IVF, and 9 rounds of other fertility treatments for a total of 10 years without any luck.

Foster care is always something that Alex (husband) wanted to do, he’s always had it in his heart to give a home to these kids. Then we had a few friends who went through the process, so we decided to take the classes. These children just instantly capture your heart and although it’s sad to see them leave, it’s always so exciting to learn about which placement we’ll get next. It’s definitely been challenging, but even more rewarding and wouldn’t change anything for the world. Each kid helps you learn more about yourself, and there’s a special and unique bond that you develop with every child that comes into your home.

We were very blessed with adopting Logan, but over the past 3-4 years or so we’ve had 9 placements with us. I don’t want to give the false hope that you get to adopt every kid because the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with the family. My husband and I definitely encourage families to be together and do everything we can to help with that process because that is the most important thing, but unfortunately there are some kids that don’t have that extra family member and have no place to go. But we definitely understand our role as foster parents, and you do hurt and get your heart broken when they leave, but it’s nothing compared to what they go through. And I think that, going through that with them, it makes you stronger as a person.”

What would you say is the important thing you’ve learned along the way of being foster parents?

“That each and every child has a different story. And also only do what you feel like your family is able to do! One foster child is very different from three, four, or five. Your relationship with your family- your partner, bio kids if you have them- has to always come first at the end of the day. Some of these children have a lot of trauma, and the most important thing is that you have to protect your family first. Sometimes it just becomes too violent, where you do have to find them another placement that specializes in that type of behavior. Or you’ll have a kid that has a ton of medical concerns that you’re just not able to take care of, so you’ll have to find somewhere that’s fit for those situations.

Especially us women, we put so much guilt on ourselves and we want to help absolutely everyone, but you have to just put your family first- protect them and make sure you’re all mentally ready for the next challenge before jumping into it. Our family actually takes breaks in between placements to kind of give us that little reset, because like I said you and your family have to be mentally prepared for whatever situation comes next.”

When you’re told about a placement, what information do you receive about the kids?

“So when you get a placement, every case and every situation is so different. Most of the time, the system is trying to get these kids a placement immediately- and they might not really know ANYTHING about the kids other than their age. Sometimes the kids will need to get cleared by the hospital (for abuse and/or drug related instances), so in that case we usually receive a bit of information. Also if the kids themselves have been in and out of the system a lot, there’s more prior information that you can be given. But sometimes these kids come with nothing- no history, no clothes, just themselves. A majority of the time you really don’t know the extent of the trauma and health conditions until you learn it for yourselves. With out of state or even out of the immediate area placements, there’s usually more time in between the caseworker dropping the kids off- meaning more time to learn about the kids. But even then, there’s really not much information to give. It’s a learning process with each and every child.”

So how much advance notice do you receive when you are getting a new placement?

Again, each case and each child is so different that there’s really no rule. Sometimes you’ll get a call for a kid who needs to be placed within the hour, other times you will be told that the kid is in the hospital so there’s a bit more of a window- especially if they are going through withdrawals or other medical treatments. Most of the children we have cared for, we were notified about their placement within 1-5 hours of them arriving.”

What would you say is the most difficult part when it comes to being foster parents?

“Definitely when you’re first getting the placement, adapting your life around this new child is one of the hardest things. Especially when you work full time like my husband and I do, trying to find a babysitter or daycare that would be able to accept the foster care voucher. Especially during COVID times, so many daycares aren’t able to accept any new kids. Jobs don’t give maternity/paternity leave for each new placement, so it’s definitely a struggle that we weren’t really expecting to be as big of a deal as it is. So making sure that your job is aware of your foster situation is definitely key.”

What would you say is the most rewarding part about being foster parents?

“The love that you get from all of these kids. You experience so much growth as foster parents, but you also get to see these kids grow and start to bounce back despite what all they’ve been through. Just seeing how resilient children are, you would never know their past and what they’ve experienced. They teach you so much. They teach you patience with other scenarios and situations, and that you never really know what someone else is going through. Trauma is never completely erased, so you have to learn to be patient with yourself and these children and just grow a bit more every day. And then you get to watch them start to trust you and trust that you’ll be there, and that feeling is just indescribable.”

Knowing that these three children now have the happy and healthy life that they deserve is such an incredible feeling. There are so many other children in need of safe foster homes, so if reading this has inspired you, then tap the button below to visit the National Foster Parent Association to learn more!

National Foster Parent Association Website

And a message from Ashley R:

“You can also donate to Foster Closet Corporation, LLC. if your heart speaks it. You can make a meal plan for a foster family who has accepted new placement(s). Foster parents lives are so busy adjusting and getting everything they need once given a new placement. Speaking from experience, they would appreciate not having to worry about dinner that night or week so they can spend that crucial time bonding with their new placement. If you’re a business owner, and you have an employer who is a foster parent offer some assistance while the foster parents create arrangements for school/daycare. It takes a village, in this day in age we all have to be more supportive and encouraging to unconventional families just as much as conventional families. This is our community, and it’s is our responsibility, to work together to make it a better place.”